Good listening is a lost skill, in my opinion. How well do you listen to others? How well do they listen to you? I have noticed more and more that people don’t listen well. By good listening I mean active listening.
Tall Tartan Talks here … whether you are talking to colleagues, clients, family or friends, whether you are in-person or on-line, is each person in the conversation taking notice of what the other is saying, without interrupting, or … (insert your pet peeve)?
In this blog post I share my tips on good or active listening.
Techniques for active listening
Removing distractions
Create an environment for listening by minimising distractions. Put away your phone, turn off notifications, and choose a quiet space. This lets you to focus entirely on the speaker without interruptions.
Keeping eye contact
Use eye contact to show interest in what the speaker is saying. This nonverbal cue helps show that you are attentive and invested in the conversation.
Using open body language
Face the speaker with an open posture and lean slightly forward. This body language signals that you are open to their message and prompts them to share more.
Avoiding interrupting
Allow the speaker to finish their thoughts without intruding while they talk. This demonstrates respect for what they are saying and gives them the space to express themselves.
Practising reflective listening
Summarise what the speaker has said to confirm your understanding. For instance, you might say, “What you’re saying is …” This method not only clarifies the message but also shows that you value their input.
Asking questions
If something is unclear, ask open-ended questions to encourage the speaker to elaborate. Questions like “Can you explain that further?” or “What do you mean by … ?” help to deepen your understanding. See my blog post: What is a good question?
Practising patience with silence
Use pauses effectively; allowing silence after someone speaks can encourage them to share more thoughts and feelings. It shows that you are considering their words rather than rushing to respond.
Reflecting emotions
Acknowledge the speaker’s feelings by reflecting on their emotional state. For example, if someone shares a frustrating experience, you might respond with, “It sounds like that really upset you.” This confirms empathy and connection.
Staying present
Focus on the moment and resist the urge to think about your next response or other distractions. Being fully present increases your ability to understand and engage with what is being communicated.
By using these strategies in your conversations, you can develop stronger connections, improve understanding, and create a more supportive communication habit.
Understanding Mental Health First Aid
Active listening was in one of the modules in a course I studied called Understanding Mental Health First Aid. As I read it, I realised that listening with compassion and curiosity is vital in relationships. It is often missing, leading to misunderstandings and resentment. (Source: NHQE Level 2, sponsored by The Skills Network)
Researching active listening
Active listening was described in a book I proofread called Compassion-based Language Education by Sarah Mercer (see book link at the end). In it she describes four different ways of listening and responding to what is being said.
These are:
- active destructive mode: when a listener responds negatively to what they have been told.
- passive destructive mode: when the listener does not show any interest in what is being said or dismisses it as irrelevant.
- passive constructive mode: the listener is paying attention and is trying to understand but lacks any genuine enthusiasm.
- active constructive mode: when listeners actively pay attention, show their enthusiasm and interest, and also ask follow-up questions to find out more about what they have been told.
Perhaps you recognise these in the conversations you have?
Benefits of active listening
Building trust and strong relationships
Active listening is a crucial communication skill that enhances relationships and encourages effective communication. It helps create an environment of trust and loyalty.
When you feel genuinely heard, you are more likely to share your thoughts and feelings, which is especially important during challenging times. This not only strengthens personal bonds but also leads to better teamwork and engagement.
Improving communication skills
Practising active listening strengthens your communication abilities. It teaches you to focus on understanding rather than merely responding.
This leads to more meaningful conversations and reduces the likelihood of miscommunication. Read my blog post: How to Communicate Clearly
Communicating with clients
These days, in my freelance life, very few communications with proofreading clients involve a telephone call or Zoom meeting. I would much rather email my work processes, thoughts and questions than talk on the phone.
But reading an email from a client has an element of ‘listening’: answering their questions, and reading between the lines. Even being diplomatic when I composed a reply to a barrage of questions (sent in separate emails) that I experienced recently from a client.
Meeting on Zoom
It is even more important to listen actively if meeting people on Zoom, whether it is networking or with clients.
The delays with sound and, perhaps, a participant with their camera off, make it more difficult to listen, never mind with reflection and empathy. The techniques listed above are vital.
Listening well
I bet you know people in your life that are good listeners. I am in freelance networking groups where there is active listening.
It is about taking an interest in others beyond the self. You need to care about the person who is talking to you. Developing empathic skills can help you become more curious about others and take a greater interest in the lives and stories of others.
Take the opportunity to reach out to someone that you are worried about. And listen to them.
Sprinkling publishing confidence,
Annie
Further reading
Source: Compassion-based Language Education by Sarah Mercer, published by Oxford University Press, 2024. Find it on Amazon here: https://amzn.eu/d/63gH9ro
My blog posts:
Emailing
Email me to check my availability for proofreading non-fiction and children’s books.
Subscribing
Subscribe to my blog to receive new posts directly to your email.
