What are the signs of a good listener?

Blog post: What are the signs of a good listener?

Good listening is a lost skill, in my opinion. How well do you listen to others? How well do they listen to you? I have noticed more and more that people don’t listen well. By good listening I mean active listening.

Tall Tartan Talks here … whether you are talking to colleagues, clients, family or friends, whether you are in-person or on-line, is each person in the conversation taking notice of what the other is saying, without interrupting, or … (insert your pet peeve)?

In this blog post I share my tips on good or active listening.

Techniques for active listening

Removing distractions

Create an environment for listening by minimising distractions. Put away your phone, turn off notifications, and choose a quiet space. This lets you to focus entirely on the speaker without interruptions.

Keeping eye contact

Use eye contact to show interest in what the speaker is saying. This nonverbal cue helps show that you are attentive and invested in the conversation.

    Using open body language

    Face the speaker with an open posture and lean slightly forward. This body language signals that you are open to their message and prompts them to share more.

    Avoiding interrupting

      Allow the speaker to finish their thoughts without intruding while they talk. This demonstrates respect for what they are saying and gives them the space to express themselves.

      Practising reflective listening

        Summarise what the speaker has said to confirm your understanding. For instance, you might say, “What you’re saying is …” This method not only clarifies the message but also shows that you value their input.

        Asking questions

        If something is unclear, ask open-ended questions to encourage the speaker to elaborate. Questions like “Can you explain that further?” or “What do you mean by … ?” help to deepen your understanding. See my blog post: What is a good question?

        Practising patience with silence

        Use pauses effectively; allowing silence after someone speaks can encourage them to share more thoughts and feelings. It shows that you are considering their words rather than rushing to respond.

          Reflecting emotions

          Acknowledge the speaker’s feelings by reflecting on their emotional state. For example, if someone shares a frustrating experience, you might respond with, “It sounds like that really upset you.” This confirms empathy and connection.

            Staying present

            Focus on the moment and resist the urge to think about your next response or other distractions. Being fully present increases your ability to understand and engage with what is being communicated.

              By using these strategies in your conversations, you can develop stronger connections, improve understanding, and create a more supportive communication habit.

              Understanding Mental Health First Aid

              Active listening was in one of the modules in a course I studied called Understanding Mental Health First Aid. As I read it, I realised that listening with compassion and curiosity is vital in relationships. It is often missing, leading to misunderstandings and resentment. (Source: NHQE Level 2, sponsored by The Skills Network)

              Researching active listening

              Active listening was described in a book I proofread called Compassion-based Language Education by Sarah Mercer (see book link at the end). In it she describes four different ways of listening and responding to what is being said.

              These are:

              1. active destructive mode: when a listener responds negatively to what they have been told.
              2. passive destructive mode: when the listener does not show any interest in what is being said or dismisses it as irrelevant.
              3. passive constructive mode: the listener is paying attention and is trying to understand but lacks any genuine enthusiasm.
              4. active constructive mode: when listeners actively pay attention, show their enthusiasm and interest, and also ask follow-up questions to find out more about what they have been told.

              Perhaps you recognise these in the conversations you have?

              Benefits of active listening

              Building trust and strong relationships

              Active listening is a crucial communication skill that enhances relationships and encourages effective communication. It helps create an environment of trust and loyalty.

              When you feel genuinely heard, you are more likely to share your thoughts and feelings, which is especially important during challenging times. This not only strengthens personal bonds but also leads to better teamwork and engagement.

              Improving communication skills

              Practising active listening strengthens your communication abilities. It teaches you to focus on understanding rather than merely responding.

              This leads to more meaningful conversations and reduces the likelihood of miscommunication. Read my blog post: How to Communicate Clearly

              Communicating with clients

              These days, in my freelance life, very few communications with proofreading clients involve a telephone call or Zoom meeting. I would much rather email my work processes, thoughts and questions than talk on the phone.

              But reading an email from a client has an element of ‘listening’: answering their questions, and reading between the lines. Even being diplomatic when I composed a reply to a barrage of questions (sent in separate emails) that I experienced recently from a client.

              Meeting on Zoom

              It is even more important to listen actively if meeting people on Zoom, whether it is networking or with clients.

              The delays with sound and, perhaps, a participant with their camera off, make it more difficult to listen, never mind with reflection and empathy. The techniques listed above are vital.

              Listening well

              I bet you know people in your life that are good listeners. I am in freelance networking groups where there is active listening.

              It is about taking an interest in others beyond the self. You need to care about the person who is talking to you. Developing empathic skills can help you become more curious about others and take a greater interest in the lives and stories of others.

              Take the opportunity to reach out to someone that you are worried about. And listen to them.

              Sprinkling publishing confidence,

              Annie

              Annie signature

              Further reading

              Source: Compassion-based Language Education by Sarah Mercer, published by Oxford University Press, 2024. Find it on Amazon here: https://amzn.eu/d/63gH9ro

              My blog posts:

              What is a good question?

              How to Communicate Clearly

              Emailing

              Email me to check my availability for proofreading non-fiction and children’s books.

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              8 Steps for Reaching Out to New Clients

              8 Steps for Reaching Out to New Clients

              One reason to reach out to new clients is to tell them that you are available for freelancing work. They won’t know unless you tell them. Cold emailing is one method. I give you steps on how to be brave and develop an effective strategy, making the best impression you can.

              Tall Tartan Talks here … Follow my 8-step guide for reaching out:

              1. Preparing is key
              2. Training to add value
              3. Adding skills to your CV
              4. Researching clients
              5. Keeping records
              6. Writing emails
              7. Responding to replies
              8. Build a marketing habit.

              1. Preparing is key

              I proofread non-fiction as a service. I made sure I was well trained so that I could offer professionalism and expertise as qualities of my proofreading service. Preparation is half of the process I will describe.

              2. Training to add value

              The first thing a potential client may want to do when you reach out is to look at your website or LinkedIn profile to check your training credentials. I did training in proofreading with the CIEP (ciep.uk), my professional body.

              As a freelancer you should consider training in your field of expertise. If you are an editor or proofreader, you may want to specialise by doing a course in a particular niche – in my case, editing educational digital materials.

              3. Adding skills to your CV

              Add the course you have just completed to your CV and to the Featured section of your LinkedIn profile.

              4. Researching new clients

              You may have an idea of the kinds of new clients you want to reach out to. When I see a prospective client advertising for staff or freelancers (usually on social media, usually on my phone), I take a screenshot and email it to myself. If I can’t act on it immediately, I move the email to my Prospective Clients email folder.

              5. Keeping records

              Once a month I go through the emails I have sent myself, add them to my spreadsheet and research each in turn by reading their websites. Some can be prioritised by a) how enthusiastic their website makes me feel; or b) removed from my list because their business would not be a good fit for me. For example they publish fiction.

              In my case, as a ex-teacher and primary tutor, I have listed possible clients that publish non-fiction, educational books, and children’s books as they are my proofreading specialisms.

              6. Writing emails

              About once a month on average, I do a cold-emailing session. In my drafts folder I have a template for each specialism and use the template suitable for the next potential client.

              I write a concise subject line keeping it short and relevant, e.g. Proofreader Available. Listing a specific specialism I provide that will help them solve their problem, I keep the email short with no more than five sentences – no one wants to wade through an essay. I don’t make the email emotional, just business-like.

              Some companies don’t like emails with attachments. Rather than attach my CV, I tend to end with P.S. My CV is available on request. Unless, of course, a new client has specifically asked for a CV.

              I keep possible clients in groups of specialisms. I prepare emails in batches by using copy and paste or a text expander to make the writing process quicker and more efficient. Then I tweak the email to personalise my message. Do not invest emotion or spend hours on one email; there mental turmoil lies.

              I do a final check of spelling and punctuation. Mistakes will come across as unprofessional. Take a deep breath and press send. Return to that spreadsheet and record the date when emails were sent. Then I put it to the back of my mind, walk away, and get on with my day.

              I don’t worry if I don’t get replies; I don’t take it personally. In truth, I probably get one reply in ten saying they will add me to their database. I comfort myself with the fact that the client that needs me will get back to me. How will they know if I don’t tell them?

              Using this technique, I can send up to 10 emails in one hour. In one very quiet month, I cold emailed once a week, sending emails to 40 possible new clients. I have been perfecting my system for two years.

              7. Responding to replies

              Remember, silence or rejection is a normal part of the cold-emailing process. Don’t let silence discourage you. By following these steps and believing in the value you offer, you will be emailing with confidence.

              If the magic happens – a new client replies and reaches out– respond promptly to show integrity and efficiency. Or only send your cold emails when you have time to respond.

              8. Build a marketing habit

              Once you have a marketing habit that you are comfortable with, repeat the training and cold emailing with regular effort. Establish and maintain a routine that works for you. You will feel braver. I did!

              Sprinkling publishing confidence,

              Annie

              Annie signature

              Note: These 8 Steps were part of a PDF guide on my website called Eight steps that worked for me – For business confidence. I repurposed the PDF in my blog post Marketing Mindset.

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              What is a Good Question?

              What is a Good Question blog post

              “Does anyone have any questions?” is a question often asked in a Zoom meeting in the networking groups I attend as part of running my business.

              Tall Tartan Talks here … Questioning fascinates me. How does skilled questioning promote learning progress?

              I continue my blog series on education exploring the primary curriculum, teaching and learning. I use my expertise to proofread for educational publishers and children’s book publishers

              So, what is a good question?

              Questioning

              Questioning refers to the act of asking questions to acquire information, stimulate thinking, or prompt discussion. It is an essential tool for teaching, learning, and critical thinking. Effective questioning can engage learners, encourage reflection, and deepen understanding.

              When I taught in the classroom, it was vital to ask the children a range of questions to widen and deepen their understanding, whether that was in English comprehension, Maths mastery, Science investigation, and so on. There were eagerly inquisitive children who asked cracking questions. My response when there was an interruption from an over-enthusiastic learner waving their hand wildly in the air was: “Hold that thought!”

              Encouraging them to justify their answer further by asking “Because?” meant they didn’t just ‘parrot’ what the child next to them said. It prompted them to give their own explanation.

              It thrilled me when a learner’s ‘lightbulb’ lit up – and new thinking progress was made.

              Bloom’s taxonomy

              When I wrote worksheets to enhance my teaching of curriculum subjects, I used Bloom’s Taxonomy, developed by educational psychologist Benjamin Bloom, as the framework of questioning to ensure all levels of cognitive complexity were addressed. It provides a structure to design and assess learning experiences.

              Bloom’s Taxonomy is often represented as a hierarchical model with six levels, each representing a different cognitive process.

              Not all levels are addressed in all activities (that would be exhausting!) but aiming for a balance of question types in a range of subjects over a week ensures maximum opportunities for learning.

              Levels

              1. Remember: This level involves recalling or recognising information. Questions at this level focus on factual knowledge and require learners to retrieve information from memory. Example questions: Who…? What…?
              2. Understand: This level involves demonstrating comprehension and interpreting information. Questions at this level aim to check if learners can explain ideas, concepts, or principles in their own words. Example question: What is the main idea of the paragraph you just read.
              3. Apply: This level involves using knowledge or skills in new situations. Questions at this level require learners to apply what they have learned to solve problems or complete tasks. Example question: How would you demonstrate …?
              4. Analyse: This level involves breaking down information into parts and understanding the relationships between them. Questions at this level focus on examining patterns, identifying causes and effects, or making connections. Example question: How can you sort the different parts?
              5. Evaluate: This level involves making judgements or assessments based on criteria and evidence. Questions at this level require learners to analyse information, consider different perspectives, and form opinions. Example question: What are the implications of …?
              6. Create: This level involves generating new ideas, products, or solutions. Questions at this level encourage learners to think creatively, design, and produce original work. Example question: How would you design …?

              Bloom’s Taxonomy encourages higher-order thinking skills and helps learners develop a deeper understanding of the subject matter.

              Bloom's Taxonomy Pyramid
              Bloom’s Taxonomy pyramid

              What is a good question?

              Asking a good question means inquiring clearly in a way that is relevant, specific, and well-structured to gain informative and valuable responses. It involves the art of effectively conveying your curiosity or seeking information from others in a way that maximizes the chances of getting a meaningful answer.

              Characteristics of a good question

              • Clarity: A good question is easy to understand and free from ambiguity. It should be straightforward and unambiguous, leaving little room for misinterpretation.
              • Relevance: The question should be pertinent to the context or topic at hand. It should address the specific issue you want to explore.
              • Specificity: Good questions are specific and focused, targeting particular aspects of the subject matter rather than being overly broad or vague.
              • Purpose: A good question has a clear purpose or objective. It should convey what you hope to achieve by asking it, whether it’s gaining knowledge or solving a problem.
              • Open-endedness: Open-ended questions allow for more in-depth and thoughtful responses. They encourage the person answering to provide detailed and comprehensive information rather than simple yes/no answers.
              • Conciseness: A well-phrased question is concise and to the point. Avoid unnecessary jargon, complexity, or unnecessary information that could confuse.
              • Respectful and non-leading: Ensure that your question is respectful and unbiased. Avoid leading the respondent towards a particular answer or expressing judgement in the question itself.
              • Thoughtfulness: Take a moment to consider if the question has already been answered or if it can be easily researched elsewhere before asking.
              • Context-awareness: Consider the background and knowledge level of the person you’re asking the question. Adapt the question complexity and terminology accordingly.
              • Follow-up potential: Ask a question that encourages follow-up discussion or elaboration, allowing for a deeper exploration of the subject matter.

              By asking good questions, you demonstrate a genuine interest in learning and engage in constructive conversations. This can lead to valuable insights, improved understanding, and a more fruitful exchange of ideas.

              Questions arising in business

              Asking clients questions

              Having trained first as a teacher then as a proofreader after I left the classroom after 30 years, I have become much better at asking questions, asking the text questions, and fact-checking. I don’t just accept that the text is correct.

              I am most likely to ask questions when I want clarity with a freelance proofreading job that I have been offered by a publisher. It’s fine to check if a detail in the brief is unclear.

              More often than not, the client will answer my question promptly with reassurance. Phew!

              Clients asking questions

              These days half of my clients are self-publishing, independent (indie) authors. They have many questions, especially if they are looking to publish their first children’s book (one of my specialisms).

              I have written several blog posts for authors in answer to their FAQs to reassure them about the process involved in self-publishing. The most commonly asked question is: “How do I self-publish?” If I don’t know the answer to a question, I’ll know someone who does …

              My question to you is: Are you inquisitive and curious? What do you want to find out? How will you do this?

              BitmoAnnie thought bubble

              Annie

              Sprinkling publishing confidence

              Annie signature

              Further reading

              My blog posts:

              How to Communicate Clearly

              What are the signs of a good listener?

              Subscribing

              Subscribe to my blog to receive new posts directly to your email.

              Emailing

              Contact me by email to check my availability for proofreading non-fiction and children’s books.